Marvin the Martian does an uncanny impression of Gene Kelly, then claims planet in the name of Mars.

Since 1991, planetary scientists have floated the idea that Mars once harbored vast oceans that covered roughly one-third of the planet. Two long shore-like lips of rock in the planet's northern hemisphere were thought to be the best evidence, but experts argued that they were too "hilly" to describe the smooth edges of ancient oceans.

The view just changed dramatically with a surprisingly simple breakthrough. The once-flat shorelines were disfigured by a massive toppling over of the planet, scientists announced today. The warping of the Martian rock has hidden clear evidence of the oceans, which in any case have been gone for at least 2 billion years.

"This really confirms that there was an ocean on Mars," said Mark Richards, a planetary scientist at the University of California at Berkeley and co-author of the study, which is detailed in the June 14 issue of the journal Nature (registration required - editor's summary).

Mars had large oceans. [Yahoo!, Nature, New Scientist Space]

Who ate all the Pi?

He made the Sea of cast metal, circular in shape, measuring ten cubits from rim to rim and five cubits high. It took a line of thirty cubits to measure around it. Below the rim, gourds encircled it - ten to a cubit. The gourds were cast in two rows in one piece with the Sea. The Sea stood on twelve bulls, three facing north, three facing west, three facing south and three facing east. The Sea rested on top of them, and their hindquarters were toward the center. It was a handbreadth in thickness, and its rim was like the rim of a cup, like a lily blossom. It held two thousand baths. (I Kings 7:23-26)

The Bible is the word of God, yes? Anyone who claims otherwise is a heretic bastard. Well look at this grave, grave offense to your beliefs.

The value for pi used in calculators is 3.141592654. But if we look at the word of God, it states that the ratio of the circumference to the diameter is 30:10 cubits. In other words: three. Also known as 3.00 or 3.0. But here we have these self important mathematicians who believe they can improve on the word of God! What an effrontery. Biblical literalists, you are faced, as when with evolution, with an important dilemma if you wish to continue your peace of mind.

You can either accept that the word of God is fallible and men have improved upon it, therefore casting into doubt your claims of Creation. Or you could hold steadfast to your God-given beliefs. Stand by in the face of scientific persecution and shout loud to the heavens that PI, goddammit, is equal to 3.0 because God said so.

God said Pi=3. Stand by your beliefs dammit. [Gospel of Reason]

But have they ever tested the aero dynmaic properties of the L and Q formations? Those birdbrains could be missing out.

Most of us have probably seen large groups of migrating birds like geese or ducks flying in formation. These large groups of birds are particularly common in late autumn and early winter when birds migrate from their summer habitat in Canada to the warmer climate of the southern United States. Such groups of birds will typically fly in a large "V" shape with one bird in the lead and others trailing behind in two lines.

Scientists who have studied formation flight believe that birds fly in this way for two reasons. The first reason is that the shape of the formation reduces the drag force that each bird experiences compared to if it were flying alone. This decrease in drag occurs thanks to the formation of wingtip vortices described in previous articles.

The majority of the benefit goes to the birds further aft, but the front bird does still gain some reduction in drag. The presence of the two birds flanking the leader helps to dissipate the downwash off the lead bird's wingtips and reduces the induced drag this bird experiences. These two flanking birds also benefit from a similar reduction in drag if outboard birds flank them as well. In other words, the birds in the middle of each of the lines forming the V are in the best position. These birds benefit from the upwash off the lead birds as well as off the trailing birds. This additional bonus means that birds in the middle experience less drag than either the lead bird or the bird at the end of each line.

Even though the V formation benefits all of the birds, the bird in the lead position has to work the hardest. When this bird tires, it will drop out of the lead position and fall further back into one of the lines of the V. Another bird from further back will rapidly move forward to take the leading position and maintain the formation. The two birds in the furthest trailing positions also tire more rapidly than those in the middle, so these positions are also rotated frequently to spread the most fatiguing locations throughout the flock. This cyclical rearrangement gives all birds the responsibility of being the leader as well as a chance to enjoy the maximum benefits of being in the middle of the formation. This sense of teamwork comes naturally since even the youngest members of the flock rapidly realize that it takes less work to fly in a V formation than it does to fly alone.

Why do birds fly in a v-formation? [Aerospaceweb.org]

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom...

Over at the Fox network it is apparently a great achievement to be smarter than a fifth grader. We at TIBTP feel that the goal should be a wee bit higher. Despite the war raging there for the better part of this century, 2/3 Americans and 3/4 Americans under the age of 24 can't find Iraq on a map - and they couldn't find countries less headline-centric if you showed them a picture of the United States and a picture of Suriname and told them to point out which one wasn't the United States (incidentally, the tiny country in northern South America is not the United States).

These tests, or "games" depending on how big of a geek you are, are quite good and cover everything from the nations of South America to the US states to the provinces of Canada. The tests are broken up into levels 1 (beginner) to 9 (cartographer).

The mid-level tests involving Europe, the US, and South America aren't too difficult, but we have to admit that Africa and Asia gave us more trouble than we would have thought. That said, after a couple of tries our knowledge of exactly how Azerbaijan fit into the jigsaw puzzle that is the "stans" of Eastern Asia increased dramatically.

Yes, you will use this information later in life. It's on the boating safety course exam.

If you can knock out a few tests on the highest levels, then consider yourself ahead of damn near 99% of Americans. Actually, lets be honest here, putting all 50 states in their correct locations inside of the United States will put you ahead of 99% of Americans.

Geography games: world maps. [Sheppard software]

What's wrong with your drummer? He looks a little crazed.

The debate will probably rage on as long as there is music in any format, but let the record show that TIBTP believes that vinyl is best...well at least most of the time. On occasion we do take the time to appreciate leather and lace...ahem, we mean digital formats.

Pretty much everyone these days under the age of 60 has a digital music collection of some kind. It might be in the tens of thousands, it might only be a single CD ripped to the hard drive. For most people, however, they have a good sized library that likely takes more than a few seconds to scroll through and is comprised largely, if not solely, of MP3s [we at TIBTP prefer FLAC, but you take what you can get].

Usually these sizable libraries are assembled from various sources, and depending on the generation you belong to, some may or may not be authorized. Over the course of time it has taken to collect this music it is likely that one does not have complete uniformity across each file. The naming format differs, the volume and quality are not consistent, there is likely not album art and if there is there is only a 50/50 chance it is even the right band, and the base level of information making up the file (metadata) is probably about as jumbled as...well the morning jumble in the newspaper.

At some point the task to organize and create uniformity across the collection crosses one's plate and usually the job is frighteningly big, and threatens to be even more tedious. However, there are some fantastic ways out there to make this experience easier, you just have to know what to do and how to do it.

Go ahead and thank our friends over at Lifehacker for breaking things down.

Whip your MP3 library into shape, Part I - Level the volume. [*]
Whip your MP3 library into shape, Part II - Album art. [*]
Whip your MP3 library into shape, Part III - Metadata. [Lifehacker]

Google is not a transitive verb. It is a noun. When was the last time you "Old Styled" till you passed out?

For millions of people, Google is an indispensable search tool that they use every day, in all facets of their lives. From work or school, research, to looking up movies and celebrities to news and gossip, Google is the go-to search engine.

But instead of just typing in a phrase and wading through page after page of results, there are a number of ways to make your searches more efficient.

Some of these are obvious ones, that you probably know about. But others are lesser-known, and others are known but not often used. Use this guide to learn more about, or be reminded of, some of the best ways to get exactly what you're looking for, and quickly.

20 tips for more efficient Google searches. [Dumb Little Man]

Were you aware that the RIAA/MPAA buys petroleum jelley in bulk at Cosco?

Ok, so the technology may be used to distribute copywritten materials - but that is not what it was designed for. Right? BitTorrent was just meant to make distribution of large amounts of data across the internet easier. Right? What is shared using the technology is entirely up to the users, and if the user choose to engage in "legally ambiguous" acts, which they would NEVER do, then they do so of their own accord and will eventually have to atone for their sins and face St. Peter at the pearly gates and explain themselves...or bribe him with a burned collection of discs comprising all six seasons of Scrubs.

Wikipedia breaks down BitTorrent.

BitTorrent is a peer-to-peer (P2P) communications protocol for file sharing. The protocol was designed in April 2001, implemented and first released July 2, 2001[1] by programmer Bram Cohen, and is now maintained by BitTorrent, Inc.

BitTorrent is a method of distributing large amounts of data widely without the original distributor incurring the entire costs of hardware, hosting and bandwidth resources. Instead, when data is distributed using the BitTorrent protocol, recipients each supply data to newer recipients, reducing the cost and burden on any given individual source, providing redundancy against system problems, and reducing dependence upon the original distributor.

A fascinating and fantastic technology to be sure, and if you're weren't happy using it all the time to distribute authorized business-related materials, you might consider tweaking it for acquiring various media. If you did decided to pursue this course you might require a few tips or how-to's to optimize your experience. Maybe.

9 BitTorrent how-to's. [Torrent Freak]

Asking for ketchup at The Wieners Circle got you exactly what you deserved. Some died quick. They got off easy.

Dear Cecil:
I was sitting at the Montreal Pool Room eating my all-dressed hot dog and suddenly the question hit me: why is there no ketchup in an all-dressed? Is ketchup not as respectable a condiment as relish or mustard? Is there a conspiracy? Does Dirty Harry's remark about ketchup in a hot dog have anything to do with it? I would be so thankful if you could shine a light on this obscure bit of knowledge for a passionate and perplexed user of ketchup. --Paul Macneil, Dorval, Quebec

Cecil replies:
Paul, I know you don't mean to act like an alfalfa-chewing barbarian, but this is like asking why Leonardo didn't paint the Mona Lisa on black velvet. Ketchup is destructive of all that is right and just about a properly assembled hot dog (and we're talking about a pure beef hot dog, not one of those things you could serve with dressing on Thanksgiving).

Ketchup smothers the flavor of the hot dog because ketchup makers add sugar to their products. That takes the edge off the highly acidic tomatoes, but it takes the edge off everything else, too. Which is exactly why a lot of parents like it, according to Mel Plotsky, sales manager for the David Berg hot dog company in Chicago. (Chicago is one of the hot dog's holy cities.) Put ketchup on it and a kid will swallow anything--and from there it's a straight shot to Velveeta cheese, Franco-American spaghetti, and Deborah Norville.

But--getting back to the original question--you say you like the taste of tomatoes. Fine, then eat tomatoes, as God meant them to be eaten--fresh sliced and piled on top of the hot dog. The recommended ingredients of a hot dog with everything, in order of application, are mustard, relish, chopped onion, sliced tomato, kosher pickle spear, optional peppers, and celery salt.

Why there is no ketchup on a properly made hot dog. [The Straight Dope]

Support net neutrality. Beat a telco excecutive with a plunger.

You love the internet, yes? Of course you do, you're here. Ever heard of net neutrality? Yes? No? Not sure if you have or if it was a bad acid trip? Net neutrality seem to be on everyone's mind these days, including the minds of US Congressmen who vote based on which button they think will give them the bigger feed pellet or the electric shock to the testicles, and frankly we don't trust these jokers any further than we could shoot them from a cannon [1]. Like everything else, if we the people leave it up to them, it is going to end badly for we the people. So it is time to engage in the activity that scares them the most: edumucation.

Before we go any further, we've arranged for something of a net neutrality choose-your-own-adventure lesson. One of you will be entertained, one of you will be educated, and one of you will get a sword in your head.

• If you have heard of net neutrality and understand it, click here.
• If you have heard of net neutrality and don't understand it, click here.
• If you have not heard of net neutrality, click here.

Now that you have returned and are that much the wiser we invite you...no, we encourage you to read what George Ou has to say on the subject. He is as close to spot on as anyone we've come across yet and his writing style is perfect for the layman.

A rational debate on net neutrality. [ZDnet]

[1] All letters written thus far offering said service have been politely declined, but they have kindly informed us that we're on a list...we assume it is a waiting list and are prepared to wait patiently for our chance to make good on our offers (wow, that black helicopter is flying really quietly).

Because you can't make a decent mini survival pack using a Sucrets box, that's why an Altoids tin.

Make a Survival Kit out of an Altoids Tin (and Two More DIY Life Saving Projects). (Field and Stream)

#51: Get rich. (1) Collect vinegar. (2) ??? (3) Profit.

Some highlights of the more useful items on the list.

13. Soothe a bee or jellyfish sting. Dot the irritation with vinegar and relieve itching.
14. Relieve sunburn. Lightly rub white vinegar; you may have to reapply.
21. Deodorize the kitchen drain. Pour a cup down the drain once a week. Let stand 30 minutes and then flush with cold water.
33. Clean stainless steel. Wipe with a vinegar dampened cloth.
36. Clean the microwave. Boil a solution of 1/4 cup of vinegar and 1 cup of water in the microwave. Will loosen splattered on food and deodorize.
38. Get rid of cooking smells. Let simmer a small pot of vinegar and water solution.
41. Get rid of lint in clothes. Add 1/2 cup of vinegar to the rinse cycle.
47. Get smoke smell out of clothes. Add a cup of vinegar to a bath tub of hot water. Hang clothes above the steam.

50 uses for vinegar. [Weird Facts]

"PC Load Letter"? What the [beep] does that mean?

Bud Light - Swear Jar. [submitted by F. Paraguay]

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Polar Clock. [Pixel Breaker]
Polar Clock screensaver. [Pixel Breaker]

I am in ur webz, waxing philosophical about quantum mechanics.

The internet perfectly lends itself to both genius and structured insanity, there is no arguing that (this site pretty much pays homage to that fact). Bruce Feirstein famously said that "the distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success". One would do well to point out that the definition of "success" in the realm of the internet has been blurred. Incredibly, fantastically, enormously blurred.

What constitutes success these days? Is it hits? Is it getting forwarded in e-mails around the world? How about appearing on Digg or Slashdot or any other various "news" aggregators? The answer to this question is frighteningly difficult to ascertain because the answer depends almost entirely on who you are asking.

Some people will tell you that the Lolcat is a success, and thus is genius not insanity. We didn't really think of them as either[1]...at least not until we saw one particular Lolcat recently and found it to be utterly ingenious, and subsequently hilarious. For those of you who don't know what a Lolcat is (to be honest, we were only vaguely familiar with them and had no idea they had a formal definition), Wikipedia explains them as such:

Lolcats, a compound of lol and cat, are photos of cats with humorous captions. They are a type of image macro, and are thus also referred to as cat macros. Lolcats are created for the purpose of sharing them with others on imageboards and other internet forums.

Lolcat images usually consist of a photo of a cat with a caption characteristically formatted in a sans serif font such as Impact or Arial Black. The image is, on occasion, photoshopped for effect. The caption generally acts as a speech balloon encompassing a comment from the cat, or is a simple description of the depicted scene. The caption is intentionally written with deviations from standard English spelling and syntax featuring "strangely-conjugated verbs, but [a tendency] to converge to a new set of rules in spelling and grammar." These altered rules of English have been referred to as a type of pidgin or baby talk. The text is frequently in the form of a snowclone parodying the grammar-poor patois stereotypically attributed to internet slang. Frequently, lolcat captions take the form of snowclones where nouns and verbs are replaced in a phrase. Some phrases have a known source while others seem to be specific to the lolcat form.

One common reoccurring phrase is: "im in yur X Yin' ur Z", a snowclone of "I'm in ur base killing ur doodz." [2]

Schrödinger's Lolcat. (flickr - dantekgeek)

[1] We would just like to say that we extol the virtues of both genius and insanity, but beyond these two classifications, one must also consider that something can still just be stupid.

[2]This line incidentally comes from an exchange between Starcraft players that has become part of internet lore (see: "all your base are belong to us").