No tv and no beer make Homer something something.

Fantasy vs. Reality:
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
Things always seem to play out better in your head. Except in the case of threesomes.

Knowledge Needs to be Prioritized:
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Sports stats, winning poker hands, what goes in a Gimlet? Stored. Her phone number? That's why God invented speed dial.

Compassion for Your Fellow Man:
Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food that your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.
No matter how bad your buddy is feeling, you'd be remiss if you let an opportunity pass to screw with him while he's vulnerable.

21 things I learned about being a guy from the Simpsons. [thebachelorguy.com]